Impact of Divorce on Kids

by | Feb 24, 2011 | Uncategorized

The Problem(s)
     As children of divorce, we don’t need a book full of statistics to tell us about the impact it has on kids. We’ve lived it. As Divorce Care leaders, we’ve already come to the understanding that God a) hates divorce, b) loves us, and c) has plenty to say about abandoning our covenant to our spouse, not to mention the children involved. Furthermore, God has made one point abundantly clear to me about myself and those around me “train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it”.

     As a child of divorce, my default position has been carved into my heart – “fear abandonment”. [Not the definitive lesson that everyone takes away from their parents’ divorce, but a loud, resonant one.] As a child of God, adopted through Christ, I’m learning to bathe in my new default: “perfect love casts out fear”. I also bought the lie that my parents’ divorce was somehow my fault in part. “If I had only x a little bit more…” That can easily grow a kid up into a fixer. Graciously, God has taught me that I’m not in charge of fixing, rather delivering the only Truth that can set men free. But, it took the mentorship and direct counseling of men and women who’ve discipled both of us to really begin to internalize these truths.

     It doesn’t happen by accident, it happens by reinforcement. Discipleship is critical care.

     What gets learned by a child through their parents’ divorce (you know, the “he will not depart from it” stuff) can range from impulsive/impatient behavior, anger or distrust toward the entire gender of the
“offending” parent, anger or even destructive behavior toward self as a consequence of misplaced blame, overall confusion (often directed at self) as a result of dueling loyalties, isolation or withdrawal, even depression, drug use, and/or suicidal behaviors.

What Are We Doing About It? – Two Things…
     First, we’re raising support and prayer for some of the marriages and couples around us to help them in the process of “simplifying their lives” (see post on Donald Miller’s article). We’d love to proactively send them out on a “date night” once a quarter (which would be once more per quarter than they’re currently doing): nourish their bodies and their marriages simultaneously. Also, there are about a dozen marriage conferences within 3 hours of the metro-Atlanta area this year. We’d like to take a few of these couples along with us, where God can “speak life” into their relationships before they ever consider divorce.

    Second, God has led us to run a DC4K (DivorceCare 4 Kids) group for Free Chapel, in Gainesville. One night a week and with several hours of prep, we are leading a group of about 10 kids (age 6 to 10) through this trusted curriculum and what seems to be a terrible season of their lives. The obvious end here is this: what’s the difference between a kid who walks through this season of life alone versus the kid surrounded by loving adults who’ve been through childhood divorce and other kids weathering the same storm?

From kids:
“The thing I learned the most is to control my temper.”
“I remembered when I got angry that I could stop, take a breath, “ask God” and relax.”

From parents:
“My kids are happy to know they’re not the only ones going through this.”
“As I tucked my son in bed, he said, ‘Mommy, I know it’s not my fault.’”

     What kid is going to learn that kind of truth from a grieving, recovering parent and no outside intervention? Where is a kid going to go in the midst of being shuffled back and forth from parent to parent to find a group of “Kids Like Me” that can shatter the enemy’s myth that they’re all alone in this catastrophe? DC4K works. Praise God for that.

What Can I Do?
     We’re grateful for the opportunity to take on this mammoth work. We encourage you to help support this effort in prayer.

  • Pray that the parents participating in DivorceCare can make DC and their own healing a priority. We also encourage you to help us financially. 
  • Pray that the fact that their kids are in DC4K gives these parents the peace of mind to focus on Christ and what He can do to lead them to the other side of this storm.
  • Pray that we as leaders keep our hearts clean and abide heavily in our Savior, that we may speak His ways, His truth, and His life into theirs.
  • Pray that God prepares the hearts of these children to receive the message that a) their parents’ divorce is not their fault, b) they’re not the only ones going through this and c) hope exists and He has a Name above all names.
  • Consider getting involved with a church that is offering DC4K and sign up to lead a group.

     Help support this work financially. The program materials and snacks are covered by tuition, but our availability and transportation are not. We don’t anticipate this costing much more than $40 per week for the ministry. Would you help us equip and pastor these children? We currently have a little over $1,000 in matching funds to help us complete and continue this work for 2011. Would you consider this in your one time giving or regular support? Go to www.speaklifenow.org.

in Christ,

AP

Go Long, Go Deep, Go-go-GO!

by | Jan 20, 2011 | Uncategorized

            Junk mail. Got it? Me, too. Last thing I want our newsletter to be is another piece of mail that clogs up your inbox. We only send out a handfull of support letters each year and hope they hit the target God intended. Sometimes that target is the trash, other times it’s the “give” pile. But, with all the requests floating around out there, ours is bound to wind up being welcome in some inboxes, clogging up others, and overwhelming in still others.

            So, what do you do?

            Earlier this month, Andy Stanley delivered a message about what to do with all the support requests that come your way. Personally, I disagree with what he had to say in one respect (which I may blog on in a later post – good reason to follow our blog…), but agree entirely in another.

            The practical advice was “do for one what you would want to do for all”. In other words, focus your giving – financial, prayer, and time resources at the one area God really moves you in. That way, you will not “grow weary in doing good”. But, what if the growing weary part doesn’t come from “going wide”. What if growing weary is more a barometer of life lived on our own steam rather than in God’s power? I agree with our pastor- listen for the voice of the Holy Spirit, especially in regards to giving of your time, your treasure, and your prayer. I digress…

            I also agree with him in saying there are a ton of organizations out there that could really use a few focused people who “go long and go deep”. If we’re going to continue to follow God’s lead on the mission of discipleship, Seasons of Life is going to need about a dozen and a half families who are willing to go long and/or go deep. At the core of our support are about 15 families and individuals who support Seasons of Life as monthly supporters. There are about a half dozen others who jump in with a “big splash” around 3 to 4 times a year or make a big difference in our year end giving.

            If you’re one of them, THANK YOU.


            That brings us to just under $2,000 in monthly support – a far cry from the over $7,000 needed to pay two full time employees, recognize volunteers, help those in need, handle administrative fees, keep the lights, phones, and internet turned on, etc. As we look beyond 2011 to 2016 and all that comes in between, we’re going to need about 18 more families, individuals, small groups, and/or businesses to help bridge the gap.

           Here’s the cool part – we don’t care if we’re getting what’s left after you’ve given to all your other commitments. In my hand I have two checks for $200, a $100, a $50, and a $12 check. The $12 is from a friend who I’m sure is a regular tither to his church, a giver to missions, and a supporter of other para-church ministries like Seasons of Life. But, I love the fact that he’s intentional about writing us a check – even if it’s for the change found between the seat cushions. My guess is, we may see a lot of very small checks from him, but I don’t see him or his family growing weary and I don’t ever see us sending a check back to him saying “this isn’t enough”. The point is – he feels led by God to give and gives obediently and cheerfully. Win for the Kingdom of God.

           This month, we’re need to replace a toner cartridge in our printer, keep the lights on, meet with men and women who are on fire for Christ and want to go deeper with Him for the long haul. Your support, whether deep, long, shallow, or short, will help us to meet them where they are. 

            Maybe you’re in a position where you can support discipleship, but only once in a while. I’d like to invite you to meet a specific need, right now. Maybe you’re in a position to give a little bit once in a while. If God is behind the desire to point that giving at Seasons of Life, give quarterly. If you’re in a position to give monthly and think $10 is embarrassing or $1,000 would be prideful- pray about it first. If God is leading you there, my goal this month is to remove any barrier between your heart and your giving.


            Here is a list of some current projects we’re working on that could use your support – if you’d like a specific need to meet, this is for you. If you’re a current supporter and feel a tug in your heart to increase your giving, just call or email us and we’ll take care of you right away. If you’re on the sidelines, thinking about jumping in – get really, really quiet and ask God if Seasons of Life is the right place for you to give. If you sense the response is “yes”, go to our website and follow the steps to partner with us for as long as God would have you.

Go long, go deep!


in Christ,

AP