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Ever wrestle with God?

Often, when I am trying to do things in my own strength, determined to accomplish something the Lord either told me not to do, or beyond the scope of what He required, [they even have a name for that: “hell bent”] the Lord will wrestle with me. Sometimes, it is the hand of God’s discipline that takes something away from me or allows me to fall into the bed I have made in order that I may lie in it. Other times, circumstances rise up against me causing confusion, frustration, or some blockade that prevents me from building my idol to the counterfeit god, Progress. But, when I am deep in the word, steeped in prayer, and faithful to “be still and know” that He is God, the voice of the Holy Spirit will set me straight or someone in pastoral authority over me (a mentor) will ask me a “killer question” that will recalibrate my heart in an instant.

This is one of those times.

I won’t get into great detail yet. But, someone had put an idea out there to me and I decided (without consulting the Lord) that it was a great idea. I went, hell bent, on the trail to “making it happen”. As a self inflicted storm of busyness ripped through my life, a familiar fog of confusion settled in. Frustration wasn’t far behind as my plans were tossed about and made impotent. I had allowed self effort a very short, but typically effective, reign rather than the Spirit.

I took a sabbath last Friday and went to a local monastery where I knew I could step away from the many loudly spinning plates I had in the air.

I could almost hear the madness creaking to a halt as the silence settled in.